The Accursed United

Posted: March 31, 2012 in General Football Verse, Rants in my Pants

So spring truly springs this weekend as the clocks go forward. But hope fades for most of us, as our football teams go backward.

At this time of year I think this little piece of verse is appropriate to most of us, whoever we support. It’s an adaptation by my comrade Gary Kaye of Philip Larkin’s famous poem.

This be the Curse

They f*ck you up, your football team.
They do not mean to, but they do.
They try to make you live the dream,
But leave you feeling sad and blue.

Fan hands on misery to fan,
From Football League to FA Cup.
So get out early, while you can,
And tear your season ticket up.

I hope Gary himself hasn’t yet torn his own season ticket up, though I would respect him if he had. Gary used to be Leeds United’s ‘Poet in Residence’, but was sacked by Leeds’ despotic owner (ahem, sorry Chairman) Ken Bates about 3-4 years ago, just for penning something slightly critical of a poor signing.  Bates is the sort of megalomaniac who can’t stand any criticism – he’s even banned that excellent prize-winning football reporter David Conn, just for asking who actually owns the Leeds shares (Bates denies that he himself or anyone else  holds more than 10%, and as such he, or anyone else, has so far managed to wriggle out of the “fit and proper owners” investigations).

Piratical beard, piratical attitudes:
'Master' Bates of offshore infamy.

But now that Bates is starting to ban Leeds United’s own most loyal supporters – the activists of Leeds United Supporters’ Trust – I could understand if some of them started saying “I’m not going till he goes”. Easy for me to say, I know, but if my club had a match at Elland Road I would certainly help organise an away fans’ boycott in solidarity with the banned Leeds supporters.

And by the way, good luck to you Gary  in your local election campaign this May – you’ll be as much an assett to Leeds, and possibly still to Leeds United, on the City Council as you were in your former poetic role.

Like Liverpool’s former owners  a couple of years ago, Mr. Bates, be careful who you turn into enemies. I note that about  a thousand more people have joined the L.U.S.T. protest movement since your counter-productive bans began – it’s all about critical mass.

And while you’re at it, pay your tax, you offshore pirate tw*t.

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